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CPAP is killing my family life.
The last two years my family and I have been to hell and back due to my husbands snoring and now a CPAP machine. Don't get me wrong I know he has to have the machine to keep him alive while HE sleeps, but the machine is noisy (Philips Remstar Pro C-flex +), it has night lights that are so bright I can and do most nights read a book by them, I'm not sure if the lights can be turned off, but my husband either won't or can't, really helps me to sleep, then there is the mouth breathing or the hair dryer in the middle of the night, his mouth can be open for half an hour or more even though I shut his mouth, it falls back open, let me add the puuh sound that comes next. I go and sleep in the spare room to get some sleep, only for him to follow me, but without the machine so I then have to listen to him snore the rest of the night. My children can't sleep near him due to the snoring, they can handle the noise of the machine ie it's white noise or humming whichever way you want to refer to it, but they can't handle the break throug snoring, mouth breathing or puuh that eventually comes through the night. As I have already said I know he needs this machine to help him breathe and stay alive, but truly does it have to come at the expense of our children and myself, why was there no alternative given other than a CPAP machine, surely there are alternatives? I spent eighteen months sleeping on a couch because of the snoring, if I tried to get him to roll over he either didn't hear me or would yell at me that he had rolled over, if I was lucky enough to get some sleep in the bed he would twitch and flail his arms so badly that occasionally I would get a black eye, one night I even had my nose broken by him! I have been told by my doctor that I need to learn to live with the machine, but do I have to do this at my expense, I have developed ventricular ectopy because of my ongoing sleeps problem that this has caused, I have the same amount of children that my husband does,(3) I work the same hours as he does (between 70 & 80 a week it's our own business) I cook, clean the house, do the washing & ironing, running the kids to school and picking them up all on about one hours sleep a night. Now before any one tries to tell me to wear ear plugs at night so I can sleep I only have 10% hearing and need to be able to hear the kids etc at night, I don't believe I am being selfish in this situation so much as I am asking for a bit of equality. I don't want to break up my marriage we were childhood sweethearts (I've known him since I was 8 I'm now 46) we have been married for nearly 24 years, but I'm truly at my wits end. If any one has some sensible ideas I would like to hear them, if you are simply going to tell me to get over myself don't bother to post a reply as I have tried everything!
Views: 5023
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mary Z on
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Donna, sounds like there are two main problems- a noisy machine and mask problems. Your husband may have to bite the bullet and invest in a newer, quieter machine. The lights on the new machines are not as bright, either. It also sounds like he is doing some mouth breathing and either needs to invest in a chin strap or tape his lips closed during the night. Someone who tapes can give instructions on how to do this. Another alternative would be a full face mask.
Is he just not listening to you about this problem? If he follows you into the other room it doesn't sound like he is listening.
There may be a way to turn down the lights on the machine- the equipment provider should be able to help you, or tell us whaat kind of machine he has and maybe someone here will know.
Good luck.
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Permalink Reply by D.M.H. on
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Mary the machine was purchased new in August 2011, thank you for your suggestion I will try and get him to do something new. I also have sleep problems, and completed my sleep test this morning, due to the fact that I was a cleft palate baby my surgical options aren't good. Don't get me wrong I love, cherish and adore my man when he is awake.
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A new machine shouldn't be noisy. Is the noise coming from the machine or mask? That won't help with the lights. Medical tape over the top of the lights?
I'm sure you love your husband, I understand.
Keep us posted on the results of your own sleep study. Surgery is usually regarded as a last resort since CPAP works so well for most people.
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Donna, I am in your husbands situation and decided that I had to move into the spare room so my wife could sleep as I am the CPAP user. It seems a bit selfish of your husband as marriage is a partnership. I use a Resmed S9 which is fairly quiet and the lights turn off after a couple of minutes. I looked at the different machine when I purchased it and noise and lights were two things I won't compromise on. I also use a full face mask as I'm a mouth breather.
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Hi Donna, A call to your DME is in order possibly your sleep doc too. A poorly fitted mask or nasal (when you sound like he needs a) full face or chin strap is necessary is called for. Lights can be turned out or covered with cardboard.( just the lighted bits) Good Sleep,Chris
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When I get the most pressure on my mask, there is no sound. Something does happen while sleeping tho.
Mary Z said:Donna, sounds like there are two main problems- a noisy machine and mask problems. Your husband may have to bite the bullet and invest in a newer, quieter machine. The lights on the new machines are not as bright, either. It also sounds like he is doing some mouth breathing and either needs to invest in a chin strap or tape his lips closed during the night. Someone who tapes can give instructions on how to do this. Another alternative would be a full face mask.
Is he just not listening to you about this problem? If he follows you into the other room it doesn't sound like he is listening.
There may be a way to turn down the lights on the machine- the equipment provider should be able to help you, or tell us whaat kind of machine he has and maybe someone here will know.
Good luck.
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Well, after weeks of trying to find a solution to the noise,the mouth breathing, the break through snoring and other nocturnal noises created by the cpap machine; my husband has decided he can throw out nearly 24 years of marriage and 30 years of being together, I have never felt so second rate, unwanted or mentally abused in my life. I promised to love, honor and cherish him in sickness and in health til death (or cpap)you apart. I wish him love, happiness, and health.
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Permalink Reply by Banyon on
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Reply by D.M.H.
I wish him love, happiness, and health.I seriously doubt he will find love, happiness and health no matter how much you wish. Despite using CPAP he is suffering from sleep apnea (and possibly PLMD) and as time goes on his health will only become worse.
1. Snoring and breathing through the mouth are indications his CPAP therapy is not working properly and he is likely still having many apneas. The first thing he should do is get a full face mask which will allow him to breathe through his mouth and get good therapy. If this does not resolve the snoring then the pressure most likely needs to be adjusted. All of these are solvable problems.
2. Machine noise. That machine should make very little noise. It is possible that it is ramping up throughout the night to compensate for the pressure lost through mouthbreathing - refer to #1. Solve the pressure loss and the machine may quieten down.
3. Lights. Just lay a sock over the lights. Be sure not to block the air intake.
4. Limb movements. Optimize the CPAP therapy and the limb movements may subside or disappear. If they do not, there are other therapies for limb movements.
CPAP is a DIY process. Your husband has experience the typical sleep industry treatment. Get them in the lab, write a prescription for equipment, collect their money, and forget them.
The patient has to educate himself about the CPAP process and take control of his therapy. This includes understanding the machines, understanding machine data, and evaluating the effectiveness of one's own therapy.
I am certain that sleep apnea is the root cause of many divorces and sorry about the problems you and husband have had. Neither of you asked for this and you don't deserve it.
BTW, what will the two of you do about the family business?
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Hi D.M.H , As Banyon said these issues can be worked on. Proper treatment and fitting equipment
make all the difference. Your medical goods dealer should be helping you,your sleep doctor should be made aware. Help is out there. I hope you seek it out.Good Sleep,Chris
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Chris, please tell me where the help is I can't find any! He never saw a sleep doctor only a tech on the nights he went for his sleep studies, in all the years we have been together I hadn't heard him gasp for breath or struggle to breathe this whole diagnosis has come out of left field for me, I don't know who to turn to for help, I'm lost in a world that seems to want to exclude me, the only information that I have on sleep apnea or cpap is what I have been able to learn off the net, and then I don't know if it's correct. I'm lost in the world at the moment and can't work out what is right or where I fit in anymore.
Chris H said:Hi D.M.H , As Banyon said these issues can be worked on. Proper treatment and fitting equipment
make all the difference. Your medical goods dealer should be helping you,your sleep doctor should be made aware. Help is out there. I hope you seek it out.Good Sleep,Chris
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Banyon, if cpap is a learn as you go process why is it that the providers of these machines don't let the patient know more about what they have to do to monitor their progress, and how to monitor it! It had become a very lonely life of a night time, as once the mask was on we could no longer whisper sweet mornings to one another, smuggles had become harder due to hoses, I even missed the little kisses that I would get after he thought I was asleep. I have tried to contact the company that supplied the machine to ask questions not only about settings, but also to learn about his condition so that I could help him, they told me in no uncertain terms that they would not discuss any of this with me as I didn't participate in any of his visits to the clinic, I don't believe that even he knows he can monitor his progress through software.
The family business still runs, he e mails any work that I have to do, such as software upgrades to our customers, invoicing, pays etc. We are still on talking terms and are trying to find a way through this, some progress has been made in that he is going to go for a follow up with the sleep clinic, and possibly a trip to an ent for a second opinion. I do still love him, there has to be a way that we can resolve his health problem, and be able to move forward with our lives. I just wish I knew who I could turn to for some support as there seems to be a lack of help for spouses or families affected by this.
Banyon said:Reply by D.M.H.
I wish him love, happiness, and health.I seriously doubt he will find love, happiness and health no matter how much you wish. Despite using CPAP he is suffering from sleep apnea (and possibly PLMD) and as time goes on his health will only become worse.
1. Snoring and breathing through the mouth are indications his CPAP therapy is not working properly and he is likely still having many apneas. The first thing he should do is get a full face mask which will allow him to breathe through his mouth and get good therapy. If this does not resolve the snoring then the pressure most likely needs to be adjusted. All of these are solvable problems.
2. Machine noise. That machine should make very little noise. It is possible that it is ramping up throughout the night to compensate for the pressure lost through mouthbreathing - refer to #1. Solve the pressure loss and the machine may quieten down.
3. Lights. Just lay a sock over the lights. Be sure not to block the air intake.
4. Limb movements. Optimize the CPAP therapy and the limb movements may subside or disappear. If they do not, there are other therapies for limb movements.
CPAP is a DIY process. Your husband has experience the typical sleep industry treatment. Get them in the lab, write a prescription for equipment, collect their money, and forget them.
The patient has to educate himself about the CPAP process and take control of his therapy. This includes understanding the machines, understanding machine data, and evaluating the effectiveness of one's own therapy.
I am certain that sleep apnea is the root cause of many divorces and sorry about the problems you and husband have had. Neither of you asked for this and you don't deserve it.
BTW, what will the two of you do about the family business?
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