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Help! My husband denies that he has sleep apnea.
I am new to this site and I want to use it to find out how to convince my husband that he has sleep apnea. I have video taped him and shown him how he STOPS breathing, but he just laughs.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by The SleepGuide Crew on
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Fran,
I've seen this story repeat over and over again. The wife notices that her husband stops breathing at night, and is very troubled by it, but the husband himself has no idea how bad his situation is because he's half asleep and not aware of what's going on. Also, men tend to want to "tough it out" rather than admit to any weakness. It's kind of a matter of pride with some guys. You have an uphill struggle ahead of you -- that's for sure. But it's one that I'm sure others have been able to fight through. And it's worth fighting for. Check out our Sleep Apnea Death article to understand why.
I hope other members of this forum have experienced what you are up against and can offer some advice. I never had a husband (just a wife), so I'm sure some others will have stories from the "trenches" . . .
Mike
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Permalink Reply by Henning on
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I only know it from the other side.
My wife told me many times that I do not breathe at the night. That’s why I went to a sleep center.
I hope your husband will be wiser.
Henning
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Permalink Reply by Terri Wilkes on
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Henning said:I only know it from the other side.
My wife told me many times that I do not breathe at the night. That’s why I went to a sleep center.
I hope your husband will be wiser.
Henning
My husband had a sleep study done about 2 years ago. He was about 40 pounds heavier at that time and has since lost the weight. But at that time, they told him he was "borderline." He never did anything about it. Well, now my doc thinks I might have sleep apnea. So I have a dr. appt with a sleep expert the first week in Feb. I want to see if I have it and what my options are. I had one done way back in 2001 when I was 120 pounds heavier. I have since lost alot of weight. Back when I had it done in 2001, I was told it was inconclusive since I couldn't ever fall asleep knowing some guy was watching me all night. Plus with all those contraptions, I could not sleep on my tummy or side and I cannot sleep well on my back. So I am not sure how I will do now being so much lighter. I am still told that I snore though and my hubby snores LOUD and most of the night and I can hear him gasp for breath during the night.......
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Permalink Reply by Melodie on
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Dear Fran,
My son suspected that I had sleep apnea many years ago, and kept telling me he could hear me snoring on the floor below my bedroom. I just kept telling him that I did NOT snore, but to my shock and amazement, I woke up snoring a few times! Last year when I was dx'd with Emphysema/COPD, my pulmonologist wanted to do a sleep study as my oxygen therapy wasn't helping my oxygen blood levels as it should have. After the sleep study, he immediately put me on a C-PAP with Nose Pillows with my oxygen bled into it. Still not what the doc had hoped for, so another sleep study was done at which he discovered that I have more than just obstructive sleep apnea - but I have what is called "Central Sleep Apnea" where my brain doesn't tell me to breathe. He then immediately ordered a newer high tech Bi-PAP Auto SV device, still with an oxygen bleed at a rate of 4 liters per minute. After more testing, he determined that this is now the correct machine for me and is not giving me the assistance my body was needing. I love the Bi-PAP Auto SV and it DOES make a huge difference in your life and can literally save your life. But the key here is getting that first sleep study. The docs cannot help you until the sleep study is done and they get the results and go from there. Please encourage your husband to seek medical attention sooner than later - his life is literally at risk!
Hope this is helpful to you. You can also go to the Respironics website and view the signs of sleep apnea and show them to your husband. Hopefully he will go and have a sleep study done and get the proper medical attention. It will forever change his life for the better.
Regards,
Melodie (Mel)
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Permalink Reply by Dave D. on
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Fran,
The long and short of it is that you most likely won't be able to convince him. For some individuals like your husband it unfortunately takes an event like a heart attack before they "see the light". Denial is an EXTREMELY strong defense mechanism.
Some things you may share with him is how sleep apnea can have an effect on many "inconvenient" health issues such as getting up frequently to go to the bathroom, restless legs, GERD (reflux), insulin resistance & diabetes, weight gain, high blood pressure, headaches, etc. The list goes on. Untreated OSA also leads to decreasing testosterone levels which can cause decreased libido and erectile dysfunction (that many times wakes the guys up--no pun intended)
Keep trying. Perhaps getting his doctor to promote these issues can help greatly. Good luck!
Dave
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Permalink Reply by sleepycarol on
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Is your husband aware of the negative effects sleep apnea may have on him?
You might want to start a conversation with him about purchasing more life insurance on him. Since he hasn't been diagnosed, barring other health issues he may have, it shouldn't be a problem obtaining more. You might even suggest upping the amount since you will probably be around longer than him and you might as well be taken care of. When you have this talk explain that you love him and want what is best for him -- but if he is unwilling to cooperate you need to think of your future. This might wake him up --
Sleep apnea can strike anyone -- young, old, heavy, thin, active, inactive, etc. It knows no color or gender.
It can lead to strokes, diabetes, heart failure, falling asleep at inopportune times -- even while driving, lack of energy, sexual problems, and other health related issues.
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Permalink Reply by Daniel on
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If he's a football fan, it may help to point out that Reggie White, the "Minister of Defense," most likely died from untreated sleep apnea. He was diagnosed, but like too many others, his CPAP machine was sitting in his closet.
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Permalink Reply by Duane McDade on
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Just last night someone's Husband came in (To the Sleep Lab.). Complaining that his wife made him come because " She thoght he stopped breathing when he sleeps" . Well She was right! He ended up with an AHI of 127!! This means he wakes up a little more than twice a minute. During his REM sleep he stopped breathing for 102 seconds and, his 0x. level went down to 38%!
This would be severe sleep apnea. During sleeep apnea like this. Ones heart beat has wild swings from 40- 136 beats per minute. To sum it all up..... without getting too technical. After treatment if all goes well she just added 15-20 years to her husbands life, and these are good years, where he feels like he's YOUNG again!
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Permalink Reply by bonesigh on
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Oooo, I love the idea of the life insurance talk! After I was diagnosed 2 years ago and found out how dangerous it was I started working on my husband. I just knew he had it having all the classic symptoms! We slept in separate bedrooms and still do. Some people are soooo stuborn! It took me nearly a year of nagging but I finally wore him down and he went. I don't remember his numbers and I'm not sure he shared them with me but he has OSA and central apnea. He has one of those special machines, Apap. Wear him down, nag, nag, nag, and tell him you don't want to loose him.
Now, I'm dedicated to my therapy. I'm not ready to leave this life! But now the battle with him is to get him to wear the thing more than a couple of hours a night! He says he feels great after a couple of hours and does not need more. I can't get him to understand that he could die during the hours that he is not using it. It doesn't cure apnea! Sometimes I'm not even sure if he is using it for days. I hear him snoring when I go to bed after he does.
He would not listen to me about the fact that people should be more in control of their therapy like being able to change their air pressure. He used to be a respiratory therapist, trained through the reserves. He thinks people could end up damaging their lungs with too high a pressure. I don't think they go that high! The manufacturers don't want to get sued. Makes me so mad that he wouldn't even listen to my argument! Darn it all!
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Permalink Reply by Mike on
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your husband's comment about people being able to blow out a lung if the pressure is too high made me think of something i read from the CEO of ResMed when he said something to the effect of it would take someone throwing the machine at someone's head for the machine to do any damage. i don't know whether that's true or not, but it's worth noting that it's something the CEO of ResMed said. See for yourself in this document about the history of ResMed.
bonesigh said:Oooo, I love the idea of the life insurance talk! After I was diagnosed 2 years ago and found out how dangerous it was I started working on my husband. I just knew he had it having all the classic symptoms! We slept in separate bedrooms and still do. Some people are soooo stuborn! It took me nearly a year of nagging but I finally wore him down and he went. I don't remember his numbers and I'm not sure he shared them with me but he has OSA and central apnea. He has one of those special machines, Apap. Wear him down, nag, nag, nag, and tell him you don't want to loose him.
Now, I'm dedicated to my therapy. I'm not ready to leave this life! But now the battle with him is to get him to wear the thing more than a couple of hours a night! He says he feels great after a couple of hours and does not need more. I can't get him to understand that he could die during the hours that he is not using it. It doesn't cure apnea! Sometimes I'm not even sure if he is using it for days. I hear him snoring when I go to bed after he does.
He would not listen to me about the fact that people should be more in control of their therapy like being able to change their air pressure. He used to be a respiratory therapist, trained through the reserves. He thinks people could end up damaging their lungs with too high a pressure. I don't think they go that high! The manufacturers don't want to get sued. Makes me so mad that he wouldn't even listen to my argument! Darn it all!
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That Wasn't News, That was a statement of facts. Explaining Sleep Apnea. There's anouther Technician where I work that just gets too technical, and the patients don't understand what he's saying. It just sounds to them like Bla bla bla bla you're going ti die, bla blabla, Bla you need a mask. No, thank you for sharing, DDnight
DDNight said:Great news!!! That's always good to hear. Thanks for sharing, Duane!
Duane McDade said:Just last night someone's Husband came in (To the Sleep Lab.). Complaining that his wife made him come because " She thoght he stopped breathing when he sleeps" . Well She was right! He ended up with an AHI of 127!! This means he wakes up a little more than twice a minute. During his REM sleep he stopped breathing for 102 seconds and, his 0x. level went down to 38%!
This would be severe sleep apnea. During sleeep apnea like this. Ones heart beat has wild swings from 40- 136 beats per minute. To sum it all up..... without getting too technical. After treatment if all goes well she just added 15-20 years to her husbands life, and these are good years, where he feels like he's YOUNG again!
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Permalink Reply by rob on
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see my wife told me the same thing i would not lisen 2 her it got 2 the point 2 where she would sleep in a nother room becouse i snoring and it would wake her up and my kids could here it . and i stop breathing .. so she recored me one nite and hand me lisen 2 it the next morning .. that was a wake up call for me jest the though of not being here formy wife and kids . scard me 2 do .. i got my remaster m searies in feb.. and im doing a lot better .. try recording him sleeping then have him lisen 2 it it may wake him up and have down .
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