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Permalink Reply by Mike on May 19, 2009 at 2:58pm

so, she thinks that you're barking up the wrong tree with trying to resolve your daughter's sleeping disorder and that the "real" problem is . . . what? i'm trying to get into the perspective of this teacher who of course is ignorant about the effects of sleep apnea because she's a good example of what we're up against. what does she think is going on with your daughter?

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Permalink Reply by Sandra Limbach on May 19, 2009 at 4:40pm

The "real problem" ,as often seen by the school system ,is that these highly intelligent kids are just lazy and their parent coddel them and that if they would just clamp down on those kids and get them to work harder things would be just fine...
unfortunately that is not the case. These kids can't help themselves sometimes and you just need to have a safetynet incase.
Mike said:

so, she thinks that you're barking up the wrong tree with trying to resolve your daughter's sleeping disorder and that the "real" problem is . . . what? i'm trying to get into the perspective of this teacher who of course is ignorant about the effects of sleep apnea because she's a good example of what we're up against. what does she think is going on with your daughter?

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Permalink Reply by Sandra Limbach on May 19, 2009 at 4:48pm

jnk you bring up a good point. right now, because I have just had this meeting I am a little emotional about the issue. It would behoove me to write that letter since she is graduating from that school this year, thank the principle and all the teachers who have helped her along the way. Naming them of course... Fortunately, she does have a 504, ( health related education plan), in place. but it is a constant battle to keep people on board to support these kids.

j n k said:

Here is another one of my off-the-wall ideas:

Think of something related to your daughter's apnea to praise the school for. Then write a simple, respectful, congenial letter to the principal, with carbon copies for the school board and teacher. Thank the principal for the kindness and consideration that has been given your daughter, and thank him/her for the kindness and consideration she will need in the future. Mention that your daughter wishes to keep the sleep apnea private from the students, since it is medical, and note the social stigma that kept your daughter from using her machine on the trip. Point out that you appreciate the principal and teacher being knowledgable enough to understand that stigma, being understanding enough to grasp the nature of the condition itself (since it is so often not well understood), and being professional enough not to buy into that stigma. Praise them all for their insight and help along those lines. Make sure it is worded well enough not to be misread as sarcasm. Make it clear the purpose is to thank and inform.

That could accomplish several things.

(1) They will see you are capable of putting together a well-worded letter, which tells them you would be capable of putting together a similar letter one day that might not put them in so good a light, should that ever be necessary. You don't need to hint at that. It is clear without being stated. (If it was me, I'd have a few friends proofread my letter for content and grammar just to be sure it was perfect.)

(2) You will have praised the principal and the teacher to the board by including the board in the carbon copy. That shows you are reasonable and forgiving and seeking peace, if there have been any disagreements in the past. That can't hurt your daughter's standing with them.

(3) You will have put your daughter's condition on the record in a way that can't later be denied. That is important if things ever go bad in the future. Again, you don't have to imply that. It happens automatically with the letter. How can the principal and teacher disagree with your letter if it praises them? They can't.

Keeping on friendly terms while keeping everything above-board and professional can sometimes do wonders in touchy situations like that. There may be reasons what I state above would not work for you in your situation. But I thought I'd throw the idea out there. Couch the important information as praise, and you may better your daughter's situation now and in the future.

jeff

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Permalink Reply by sleepycarol on May 19, 2009 at 5:58pm

I have taught special education for the last 13 years. I am very, very familiar with the laws, IDEA, and Section 504 due to us being a rural school and it is my duty to keep abreast with the current laws regarding PL 94-142 and IDEA.

I probably am not going to make friends with what I am about to say -- but do think another point of view is needed. You are advocating that your daughter, having sleep apnea, one of her major life activities is compromised. We are well aware of the dangers of sleep apnea if left untreated. Apparently from past comments, your daughter has had some issues being 100% compliant. Your own attitude is important in order for her to see it as important.

Making excuses why she isn't compliant only leads to her awareness "that it isn't important."

I see this in students often. Parents say "well they have a disability and they can't help themselves" and I say rubbish to that. I had a student that had ADHD and parents used that as an excuse for unacceptable behavior. As an adult society expects certain behaviors --- regardless -- it is not acceptable to be late for work, refuse to do assigned tasks at work, bad mouth bosses and company policy, etc. It is not okay to destroy other's property or inflict harm on them. Yet, that same behavior "should be excused at school" because the child has ADHD. This sets the student up for failure in society. My son has a severe case of ADHD. I made him accountable for his behavior, he had to learn that was NOT an excuse to fail at school, get into trouble, etc. We went through behavior modification to teach him how to funnel and focus his behavior in appropriate ways. Was it easy? NO way!! It would have been far easier to have pushed a pill on him and made excuses for his behavior.

You want the school to recognize the severity of her sleep apnea and the associated problems that come with it. But yet your own actions downplay the importance of her apnea by allowing her to go a week without treatment. If she needed a wheelchair, would you have left her to crawl around for that week? Other options to have handled the situation would have been to call a meeting with the school, medical profession (this can be done in writing), and student and parent. Alternative strategies dealing with her sleep apnea should have been addressed and implemented. This would then send the message that her sleep apnea IS important to you and her. Yet, the choice was to allow her to NOT use any type of treatment for the week. Mixed messages like this downplays any importance to the condition.

It is up to the parent to send consistent messages to the school. If you want accommodations and cooperation, then it is in YOUR best interest to make it a priority to see that treatment options are explored, implemented, is consistent, and is followed regardless of the setting -- at school, home, work, or play. Teachers and administrators are more apt to set up and take notice and say "yes, this is important, we must work together to help."

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Permalink Reply by RockRpsgt on May 20, 2009 at 3:04am

Well said Carol.

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Permalink Reply by RockRpsgt on May 20, 2009 at 4:58am

Alright Carol,or anyone else who can help, My daughter is a very bright 8 year old just finishing the 3rd grade. She gets great grades, but has some personality problems regarding authority and acting out. I believe her to be borderline ADD. She just had a tonsilectomy in January. Prior to the surgery she woke up several times a night. I believe that this behavior has become a learned behavior, and that she is still doing it. Her mom and I are not together and have had a rough time of it until recently. I have approached her several times on this subject to no avail. She tells me that she does not have sleep problems. I know she does. What should I do? Her teacher tells me that if I can get her under control that her learning potential has no limits. She also told me that her short attention span is keping her out of honors classes despite having the grades to be moved into them, thus holding her back. I am gathering info on bad sleep and ADD please post anything that might help guys.

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Permalink Reply by Sandra Limbach on May 21, 2009 at 1:32am

Carol, I understand your comments and can only say those comments do not apply in this situation.

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Permalink Reply by sleepycarol on May 21, 2009 at 8:46am

I am so frustrated at this point. My daughter's teacher has been informed for the entire year that she has sleep apnea and what it's effects are. Just because she does not see it in the classroom she think's it;s not all that important and that she really does not have an issue.

The kids went away to the Santa Cruz mountain this year for a week and the slept in cabins with other students from their school and another not so nice school. I gave my daughter the choice of whether or not to take her cpap. She chose not to for obvious social stigma reasons. The teacher now every time she gets a chance she brings up that incident. So since I let my daughter go to camp with out her cpap so she would not be teased and made fun of.... she must not be ill. I don't understand the logic behind these people.

What exactly are you wanting from the teacher and the school? You state that the teacher isn't seeing any impact at school from the sleep apnea. What is your expectation for "them to fix this"? After all she is using the cpap at home and not at school -- so it would appear to me that the school has actually went above the call by placing her on a 504. One of the 7 major life activities have to be impacted in order to qualify for a 504 (I am in Missouri) and if no impact is being seen at school, then a 504 is unnecessary.

How old is your daughter? Are there other disabilities unrelated to the sleep apnea? Are those being treated?

From what you have posted, I stand by previous post. If her sleep apnea is such a big problem -- then why let her go without her cpap? I don't buy into the "so she wouldn't be stigmatized". It isn't an option it is a medical necessity.

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Permalink Reply by Dan Lyons on May 21, 2009 at 2:22pm

Carol's comments don't apply? What if your child was a diabetic and she, for stigma reasons, decided she didn't want to take her insulin injections?

You need to step up and be a parent and tell your child she has to use the machine or she's the one who will suffer the consequences. Your actions are what are creating the problem, not the teacher's, school of otherwise. Stop blaming everyone else, assume the responsibility yourself - mommy.

Your actions, or lack there of, are just instilling the concept that "the world owes her" instead of the fact she need to mature as a person and that her actions have direct and real consequences.




Sandra Limbach said:

Carol, I understand your comments and can only say those comments do not apply in this situation.

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