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Perspective
I've come to realize over the last couple of months that perspective is everything. Like most everyone else who logs onto this forum I have been tired for many years. For most of those years I ignored the tiredness and wrote it off as a result of going to bed too late, working 12+ hour shifts, having young children, etc. Where it finally started to get my attention was when I was pregnant with my daughter and I would wake up at night gasping for air. I went to my doctor while I was pregnant and told her I felt confident that I had sleep apnea. I was blown off, told that they couldn't test you for it while being pregnant. Fast forward two years, my poor husband has to sleep in a separate room b/c of the snoring, and I finally had the sleep study and found out that I have severe complex sleep apnea. So, what does all of this have to do with perspective?
Initially my thought process went something like this: I have no energy at all, I'm a little overweight, I have no energy to exercise, I'll get tested, get diagnosed with OSA, get a CPAP, start sleeping better, have more energy, exercise, lose weight, ditch the CPAP b/c I won't need it anymore. I was very shocked to find out that by far the majority of my apneas were centrals. I didn't even know there was more than one kind of apnea prior to this. Then to find out that there is no "cure" for central apnea (losing weight may help, but it won't take it away) and more than likely I would need to use the prescribed machine (bipap w/ auto SV) for the rest of my life left me feeling rather hopeless. Add that to the difficulty in adjusting to a mask strapped to your face and forced air being blown up your nose and I was pretty depressed. That is when I had some people very graciously remind me that this was not the end of the world. That was when I realized that I could continue throwing myself a pity party or I could realize how blessed I am to live in a time where this disorder can be diagnosed and where there is an excellent treatment for it. I could continue with the pity party or be thankful that other than sleep apnea I have no other physical problems. I have healthy children, a husband who loves me, extended family that I adore. I could have been given a devastating diagnosis of a terminal disease. Instead, I was told I have sleep apnea and given the means to control it and increase the quality of my life. So I have to sleep with a piece of silicone strapped to my face for the rest of my life; at least it gives me the opportunity to have a "rest of my life." My only purpose for writing this (forgive me for being so long-winded) is to encourage anyone who is at the beginning of the sleep apnea process. I know, especially in the middle of the night when all you want to do is sleep, that things can seem very bleak. My biggest piece of advice has nothing to do with masks, tubing, or air pressures. My biggest piece of advice is to pray; ask God to give you a proper perspective and to help you have the edurance necessary to adjust to the treatment. Then, after you do that, log onto this forum and read the helpful suggestions and realize that you are not alone in this struggle! Gain perspective, encouragement and hope from all those who have been where you are and now have their life back. I am not there yet; I still dislike putting the mask on every night, but I am determined to maintain a hopeful outlook, looking forward to the day I have my life back. Best wishes for good sleep to all!
Views: 132
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by ZolliStar on
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My perspective is much like yours -- and also has a twist.
First, I am profoundly grateful that technology now exists that makes it possible endure this sleep disorder. I am also grateful that I don't have a complicated case of it. (I have OSA.)
So I share your gratitude perspective -- with a twist.
I knew about sleep apnea (but never imagined that I had it). When I was diagnosed, I was thrilled. At last I had an answer to my exhaustion! I was also perfectly happy to spend the rest of my nights wearing a mask attached to a hose attached to a machine.
The twist? Well, it's more of a surprise. Treatment exists, but it's not an "automatic". One doesn't immediately feel wonderful and rested when one begins sleeping with a CPAP-machine. Indeed, sometimes one's sleep is even worse.
I thought all I needed was a good night of sleep and I would ZOOM with energy and zest. And, yes, I can hear you veterans chuckling.
Two matters:
First, I've learned from this forum (and other sources) that it takes time for the body to heal from the long-term physical effects of sleep apnea. (My condition borders on severe and I've probably had it for over 20 years.)
Second, it can take time to figure out what mask is best for oneself as well as the dozens of little et ceteras that apply to oneself and only to oneself.
I've had a few really bad nights, many very okay to pretty good nights of sleep. I've also had one or two really great nights of sleep.
So I have never been unhappy to find out that I have SA. Never. Indeed, I was grateful. "At last!"I exulted, "an answer! Even better -- a solution!"
Well, as they say...not so fast. A solution, to be sure, but that doesn't mean automatic success and happy nights of gloriously restful sleep.
I actually don't mind putting on my mask (it's almost a comfort to me) but I do wish it fit better. (I'm still testing different styles, different configurations, etc.)
So now I'm grateful to everyone who has been so helpful to me on this forum and others.
One small suggestion: Give your CPAP machine a loving little pat every night and whisper "thank you" when you turn it on. It is, after all (and as you say) making "the rest of your life" possible.
And isn't that wonderful? And a much better way to think about the rest of your life?
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Permalink Reply by Kristi Halsey on
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You're absolutely right, a machine does not automatically guarantee gloriously restful sleep. I have found that out, for sure. My brother was diagnosed with OSA about a month or so before I had my sleep study. He said the first couple of nights were rough, but since then he has had 8 hrs. of uninterrupted sleep and has never felt better. I naively thought I would be able to say the same. Now, after two months of struggle I have had my first week of more restful sleep. Which, gives me hope for more of it in the future. I know there will still be nights of struggle (last night I took my mask off twice unknowingly), but I also know that since I have had some good nights I should be able to have more in the future. Thank you for your reply and am glad to read that you are "loving" your machine. :)
ZolliStar said:My perspective is much like yours -- and also has a twist.
First, I am profoundly grateful that technology now exists that makes it possible endure this sleep disorder. I am also grateful that I don't have a complicated case of it. (I have OSA.)
So I share your gratitude perspective -- with a twist.
I knew about sleep apnea (but never imagined that I had it). When I was diagnosed, I was thrilled. At last I had an answer to my exhaustion! I was also perfectly happy to spend the rest of my nights wearing a mask attached to a hose attached to a machine.
The twist? Well, it's more of a surprise. Treatment exists, but it's not an "automatic". One doesn't immediately feel wonderful and rested when one begins sleeping with a CPAP-machine. Indeed, sometimes one's sleep is even worse.
I thought all I needed was a good night of sleep and I would ZOOM with energy and zest. And, yes, I can hear you veterans chuckling.
Two matters:
First, I've learned from this forum (and other sources) that it takes time for the body to heal from the long-term physical effects of sleep apnea. (My condition borders on severe and I've probably had it for over 20 years.)
Second, it can take time to figure out what mask is best for oneself as well as the dozens of little et ceteras that apply to oneself and only to oneself.
I've had a few really bad nights, many very okay to pretty good nights of sleep. I've also had one or two really great nights of sleep.
So I have never been unhappy to find out that I have SA. Never. Indeed, I was grateful. "At last!"I exulted, "an answer! Even better -- a solution!"
Well, as they say...not so fast. A solution, to be sure, but that doesn't mean automatic success and happy nights of gloriously restful sleep.
I actually don't mind putting on my mask (it's almost a comfort to me) but I do wish it fit better. (I'm still testing different styles, different configurations, etc.)
So now I'm grateful to everyone who has been so helpful to me on this forum and others.
One small suggestion: Give your CPAP machine a loving little pat every night and whisper "thank you" when you turn it on. It is, after all (and as you say) making "the rest of your life" possible.
And isn't that wonderful? And a much better way to think about the rest of your life?
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Permalink Reply by Mary Z on
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Good discussion. I don't mind using my CPAP at all. I appreciate the changes in my life and could never stop using my machine. I don't think about having to use it the rest of my life. I have more of a one night at a time attitude. Research is going on all the time so who knows what new will come along. Look at the ASV machine. When I started therapy there was no machine as effective for cheyne-stokes, central, and complex apnea. There is the dental device we've been hearing about from Dr. Lawler- the OSB- that has worked miracles for several of our members with the specific problems it treats. Now we have under study the electrical stimulator, they have robots to do surgery, and someone invented the Provent device which does work for some people.
I learned a long time ago that as much as I'd like a pill to fix everything, most problems in my life require work and commitment on my part to fix. Donning that mask everynight is pretty easy. It sounds funny, but it's like my little private place to sleep every night.
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Ah, yes indeed. Most problems in my life likewise require work and commitment on my part.
"Inch by inch, life's a cinch. Yard by yard, very hard."
I've learned that the inch-by-inch approach works best, even if it (often!) does try my patience ;-).
Mary Z said:I learned a long time ago that as much as I'd like a pill to fix everything, most problems in my life require work and commitment on my part to fix.
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Permalink Reply by Chris H on
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Hi Gang, Resistance is futile ,Persistance pays off.Putting the machine on improves my chances of waking up not having my heart beat out of my chest in a pool of my own swett feeling like a bus had run me over. Is it easy and simple ....no. Is it worth it ?? I am not taking an extended dirt nap just yet so, yes its worth it. Good Sleep Do not Give up,Chris
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