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CPAP Takes Toll on Spouse?
from a wife of CPAP user: "My husband uses a CPAP machine every night. I have been forced to sleep at the foot of the bed for years now due to it. He sleeps well everynight - but I don't. I have to sleep with the TV on to drown out the sound of the machine. When I don't sleep at the foot of the bed - his mask blows cold air at me - and of course I can't sleep. He does not clean his mask on a schedule. I am so tired of not getting a good night sleep. He tells me that I am making a big deal out of nothing - since he is getting his sleep at night. What about the spouse - my sleep is affected and I feel my health is also affected due to the smell of mildew. I just want a good nights sleep - it is not fair that he gets sleep and I don't. I have asked numerous times for my own room - due to this damn machine. Is it so much to ask for some sleep?"
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mary Z on
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This is a tough situation. I'm not sure what the best way is to handle it. You can wash his mask and humidifier yourself- the mildew smell probably comes from the humidifier. Lots of spouses participate in this way. Change his humidifier water daily- distilled water only. Use vinegar and water in the humidifeir and warm soap and water on the mask and tubing to wash once a week or so. Pull the covers over your head/neck so the air doesn't blow on you. Since it seems he's not going to work with you, do what you can to help him and make things better for yourself. I know it's not your responsibility. Just figure out what you can do to make things better.
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This subject was discussed here with some interesting results.
http://www.sleepguide.com/forum/topics/cpap-is-killing-my-family-life
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bump. Any new ideas? I know we just had a long thread about this where the couple worked it out.
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Permalink Reply by D.M.H. on
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I am not sure you could call our situation as worked out Mary, as we were give a lot of misinformation from various sources, I can completely understand where this spouse is coming from, luckily for me, our situation was solved with operations and the supposed OSA went away, in having said that and myself being diagnosed with sever OSA, and other complications, I would not ever tolerate a cpap machine in my bedroom, nor would I subject my spouse or family to the machine.. Yes I am aware of the health compications of my decisions on not only my health but my spouses as well, I am aware of what I am doing health wise to my children with my decision, but I do find the machines, the hoses and masks as well as having the smells and noises invade a space that should be one where both parties in a relationship can sleep peacefully. It takes two people to have a relationship and the relationship should be equal, if cpap-spouse-wife has sleep issues of her own ie not being able to sleep it isn't doing her health much good, I cannot get. Over the lack of consultation with spouses from the sleep industry; yes I am probably very jaded by my experience, as it seems to me that the spouse becomes a second class person to the illness and the patient. My feelings go out to you cpap-spouse-wife it is not an easy situation to be in, from either side, that is the OSA sufferer and the OSA spouse, I have spoken at large with some of my friends who are in a cpap relationship and I know that I am not the only spouse to feel unwanted or uncared for by the manufacturers or distributors of these machines. The sleep industry is from an outsiders view point one that tends to drive a wedge between the OSA patient and the person with whom they share space and a bed. OSA should not be approached as a one person patient, it should take into consideration that there is quite often two people in need!
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Permalink Reply by pittsburgh_leo on
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Are you kidding me? It is obvious by the tone and content of your posting, that you have an agenda based on misinformation. I am aware of countless situations in which couples have stopped sharing a bed because of the snoring of the untreated sleep apnea sufferer. It was only after going on CPAP treatment, that their partner was able to go back to sharing a bed. The notion that the CPAP has the noise level of a jet engine may be fodder for a cheap joke on a sitcom, however most current machine make little or no noise. If you have an opinion about alternative treatments, that's fine, but do it on a separate thread. Don't muddy the waters with misinformation.
D.M.H. said:I am not sure you could call our situation as worked out Mary, as we were give a lot of misinformation from various sources, I can completely understand where this spouse is coming from, luckily for me, our situation was solved with operations and the supposed OSA went away, in having said that and myself being diagnosed with sever OSA, and other complications, I would not ever tolerate a cpap machine in my bedroom, nor would I subject my spouse or family to the machine.. Yes I am aware of the health compications of my decisions on not only my health but my spouses as well, I am aware of what I am doing health wise to my children with my decision, but I do find the machines, the hoses and masks as well as having the smells and noises invade a space that should be one where both parties in a relationship can sleep peacefully. It takes two people to have a relationship and the relationship should be equal, if cpap-spouse-wife has sleep issues of her own ie not being able to sleep it isn't doing her health much good, I cannot get. Over the lack of consultation with spouses from the sleep industry; yes I am probably very jaded by my experience, as it seems to me that the spouse becomes a second class person to the illness and the patient. My feelings go out to you cpap-spouse-wife it is not an easy situation to be in, from either side, that is the OSA sufferer and the OSA spouse, I have spoken at large with some of my friends who are in a cpap relationship and I know that I am not the only spouse to feel unwanted or uncared for by the manufacturers or distributors of these machines. The sleep industry is from an outsiders view point one that tends to drive a wedge between the OSA patient and the person with whom they share space and a bed. OSA should not be approached as a one person patient, it should take into consideration that there is quite often two people in need!
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D.M.H, a lot of this is between the patient and the spouse to sort out not necessarily by the manufacturers or distributors of these machines. I took my wife along to my consultations and she denied I had sleep apnea and doesn't wanted to know about it or my machine. I sleep in a different room to keep the peace so she doesn't have to hear any noise which is minimal or see me which is fine, because I can now breathe at night and feel refreshed during the day. If your not going to seek treated that is up to you but this site is for people that want and can give support to others.
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I was diagnosed with severe OSA a few months ago. My husband never complained about me snoring; I went in for a sleep study because I was so tired all the time. My machine makes no noise at all unless I take my mask off or the mask is leaking. It doesn't blow cold air unless, again, the mask is leaking. There's no odor.
I am wondering if your husband simply needs a new machine. They don't last forever, and the technology improves every year. If the machine actually contains mildew, he's putting himself at risk for a severe infection. Also, if his mask is leaking, the machine isn't working the way it should and he may still be having episodes.
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D.M.H. said:I am not sure you could call our situation as worked out Mary, as we were give a lot of misinformation from various sources, I can completely understand where this spouse is coming from, luckily for me, our situation was solved with operations and the supposed OSA went away, in having said that and myself being diagnosed with sever OSA, and other complications, I would not ever tolerate a cpap machine in my bedroom, nor would I subject my spouse or family to the machine.. Yes I am aware of the health compications of my decisions on not only my health but my spouses as well, I am aware of what I am doing health wise to my children with my decision, but I do find the machines, the hoses and masks as well as having the smells and noises invade a space that should be one where both parties in a relationship can sleep peacefully. It takes two people to have a relationship and the relationship should be equal, if cpap-spouse-wife has sleep issues of her own ie not being able to sleep it isn't doing her health much good, I cannot get. Over the lack of consultation with spouses from the sleep industry; yes I am probably very jaded by my experience, as it seems to me that the spouse becomes a second class person to the illness and the patient. My feelings go out to you cpap-spouse-wife it is not an easy situation to be in, from either side, that is the OSA sufferer and the OSA spouse, I have spoken at large with some of my friends who are in a cpap relationship and I know that I am not the only spouse to feel unwanted or uncared for by the manufacturers or distributors of these machines. The sleep industry is from an outsiders view point one that tends to drive a wedge between the OSA patient and the person with whom they share space and a bed. OSA should not be approached as a one person patient, it should take into consideration that there is quite often two people in need!
Your experience is the complete opposite of mine. My doctor and my DME have been more than happy to include my husband in every appointment except my sleep study. My machine makes no noise. It doesn't smell at all. Yes, I wear a mask to sleep, but since he's sleeping, too, it doesn't matter. My husband is not particularly tolerant and he has difficulty sleeping, so it's not like he wouldn't say something if he was bothered by the cpap.
I have to wonder if a lot of the frustration folks have is coming from getting machines/masks that don't work properly. It certainly seems like people aren't taking care of their machines, if they've got odor problems. Also, if you haven't been getting sleep because your spouse is snoring and then, after OSA treatment, you're still not getting sleep, I can understand feeling very desperate. At the end of the day (or night), though, people need to sleep. To me, using the CPAP and whatever adjustments we have to make are worth it. It doesn't matter how good your marriage is, if you're dead from a heart attack or in jail for falling asleep at the wheel, you won't get to enjoy it.
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