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if this kid can wear prosthetic legs every day and smile, i can wear my cpap mask every night with a positive attitude

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Comment by susan mccord on October 6, 2009 at 5:41pm
I can't get this child's face out of my mind.....such strength of spirit, this little one......

I've certainly done my share of feeling sorry for myself in recent years. First with having been diagnosed with heart disease in 2005, and now with sleep apnea. Was also upset that I'd had to retire from Hospice work, which I dearly loved doing.

So today, I look into this child's eyes--it's hard to look at his legs, not because they're artificial, but because his little face is so commanding. So much joy, so much personality, such a little warrior this tiny boy.....and I think, who am I to waste one minute of my life being angry, or sad, or depressed, or resentful of living with limitations? LOOK at him!!

All I have to do is see, really see this child, with his exuberant all-boy energy, and it lifts me and strengthens me. Not unlike the experience I've had being on SleepGuide actually. I haven't seen many of your faces, and yet you're such a living, breathing presence in my life......you've lifted me up so many times and caught me when I was falling, SO many times......... I want to thank you, every single one of you, for the gift you give me every single day, by just being present, for caring, for reaching out. I've had more direct contact with some than with others, but it doesn't matter when I think of being here. Each story I read, every question that's asked, and answered by many, MANY travelers on this road called Sleep Apnea, reminds me that I'm not alone.

I'm one of those people, one of those women who's made her own way in the world, raised kids alone, fought and scratched my way, working and going to school for years--there are a lot of us out here, and we're typically viewed as strong, independent, take-charge people who don't need much in the way of help. Frankly, that describes my former life to a T, and I LIKED being seen that way. It strengthened me. But all that was before my health, which I've always taken for granted, went south. And left me in Indiana!! lol

I've spent a LOT of time in therapy just learning how to accept help, to ASK for help. It was a rocky climb, I can tell you. My therapist earned his $$!! But now I think it was all preparation for this journey I'm on now, with all of you as my partners in care, and sometimes crime!, and I'm proud to say I'm grateful for every bit of help that's offered, and I'm humbled by my ability to accept it. Now. Four years ago, I wouldn't have come near SleepGuide. I'd have just "toughed it out". I'm not sure I would have made it. Not sure at all. But I have, and it's because of all of YOU. There are a lot of people, most people in my life, who still prefer to see me as self-contained and don't want to know I'm vulnerable or sick or scared or whatever it is I am now that no one ever saw before.

SleepGuide is my soft place to fall. All of this has come black-and-white-totally-clear to me from looking at this little boy's joyful face. From the many sizes of his "legs", I'll bet he's never known anything different. And someone, probably his parents, have instilled a love of life in him that transcends his not being "whole". He IS whole, in a lot of ways that I am not. And possibly never will be.....

Sooooo, as the old saying goes, "....and a little child shall lead them.".............

Susan McCord :-)

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